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Hmmmm...yesterday, I suffered an epiphany. I say suffered due to the fact that it was one of those ground-breaking realizations where you figure out that you have been deluding yourself. So I realized that I have become...content with life, and resigned to my position in life. Content sn't the right word, but i can't think of a better one...that resignation you have when you have given up on your dreams in order to do what you "should" be doing. The misleading thing is that I am not depressed, I enjoy my job, I have great friends, I have enough money...I am at that plateau where I am not moving backwards by any means, but I am really not moving forward at all either.
All of this was triggered by a conversation over dinner with my closest friend in which she a little timidly told me how she is worried about me. She seems to be the only one in my life that saw through my mask, even I didn't.
And so now I have begun thinking...what do I really want to do? And what is stopping me from doing that or those things?
The answer is travel and work in another country, one so foreign I don't know language, have to learn about customs...as for what is stopping me? Fear. fear of lack of $, fear that i am doing the wrong thing, fear that i won't succeed...fear that it will change me too much.
So, after coming to this realization, I figure i must act because i have always disdained to let fear hold me back from doing something I want to...this may not be easy though, and that scares me too. Because the place I want to go first and most is India...and a young white girl in India...an intimidating idea.